Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
