Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
