Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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