is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My pussy is not your playground.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
how does that bad decision feel?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
