Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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