i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just pee around me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
