ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
