My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
