I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
