i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
