I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
