I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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