I'd wear matching sweaters with you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
