dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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