apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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