I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
