There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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