I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
