Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
