theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
