he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
