dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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