No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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