Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
