anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
