She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
