im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
