bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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