moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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