Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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