There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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