The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
