god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
