guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
did you just send me my own nude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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