Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
