Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
