Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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