What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
