Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
