I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You ruined the universe
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
