well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
