I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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