i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
