the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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