shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
