u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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