She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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