I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
