I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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