even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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