Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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