Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
