if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
