So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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