My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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