I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
