ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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