Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
