I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
