If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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