The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
