hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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