hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
